Greetings everyone –
My intent is to make this blog a little bit about me, my thoughts on anything I feel like writing about, what goes on around me in the wonderful music community I love so dearly, and to give you a glimpse of my evolution as I continue to further my musical education. You can read it, or not. It’s just me scribbling my thoughts out for a creative outlet.
As I write this, I am at the 2018 Gerald Veasley’s Bass Boot Camp, as I have been every year since 2005. Pictured above are two of my mentors, Victor Wooten – longtime friend and bassist for Béla Fleck and the Flecktones, and Anthony Wellington – my bass teacher, one of my best friends and more.
I love being here around my music family, but at the same time, after I am done making new connections, hugging my longtime friends and soaking it all in, I have to find the quietest corner to sit and recharge my batteries, as any functional introvert must. So I’m at a little table alone in a very crowded hotel restaurant (a little inspiration for this post) and decided it was perfect timing for blogging to commence with the launch of this revamped website.
When I asked my friend Justin to redesign my website, I had to decide if I was going to keep the Blog section. I had not posted an entry since 2014 and here it is, 4 years later. Why hadn’t I written in so long? Besides the former website software not working well for me, it was more complex than that.
Everyone deals with change and challenges in their lives in a different way. Some people go out or socialize more needing to be around constant stimulation, some self-anesthetize not wanting to address their changing situation or need to look within. But me…I probably analyze myself to a fault and dig in so deep that I don’t stop until I am very much at peace with the answers I find. I discovered that I needed to embrace something that was the most natural for me because it was really time for me to be very selfish. So here goes….
“My name is Toné Compito Wellington, and I am a recluse.”
What is a recluse? I wanted to find a good definition of the word because there’s a lot of negative connotation associated with it. This was the first definition I found:
Often times a person who rather than being crazy, is merely beyond tired of and fed up with the blatant narcissism, rudeness, ignorance, stupidity, cruelty, fakeness, hatred, etc. of the human race and chooses to detoxify themselves from the vices societies are swimming in, to a greater extent than most. Often times recluses have been known to possess extraordinary genius, talent, and/or vision often mistaken as abnormality and eccentricity by the adherents of a culture’s status quo.
Brilliant! That about sums it up. However, the general perception is often more like this:
#1 “My brother’s wanting social life is an embarrassment to our entire family when we all get together for Super Bowl Sunday and he never shows up. An antisocial recluse the man is.”
#2: “Dude, what’s his problem? If our brainwashed, plastic, shallow, unhealthy, overly-indulgent, mindless, vacuous, and materialistic culture isn’t good enough for him then maybe he should go see a shrink and get on some pills to set him back in line with the rest of us normal and adjusted people.”
Hmmmm…
Well, I don’t feel that anyone should have to apologize for being themselves. Nor should they conform to anyone else’s definition of proper behavior, appropriate clothing or what color their hair should be. It’s OK if your preference is to stay home and practice music for 2 hours a night (YES!) instead of going out to a party or sit in a bar. It’s your prerogative to turn off your phone, messaging or social media off for a week and not be available to speak to anyone but your family or closest friend. It’s also perfectly acceptable to be content in your own company with a good book and not feel the need for companionship at all times or at any time at all for that matter for your life to feel complete. It’s your life, isn’t it?
I have spent most of my life since I was 17 focusing my time and energy on the other people in my life, being a mother, a wife, a career woman…but now, it’s my turn to focus on me. Just me. Oh… and a few instruments, a motorcycle and a couple of cats… and my passport, ready to leave on the spur of the moment.
The average person spends their teenage and early 20’s, maybe even 30’s figuring out who they want to be. They explore traveling, going to college, maybe they got to go to the music school I didn’t go to and play music for a living. Maybe they studied abroad, furthered their college studies and got multiple degrees. I had a different path due to choices and decisions that were made… some for me and some by me, that lead me to be an adult with a lot of responsibility very early in life. I was changing diapers and worrying about paying the rent when friends my age were buying their dresses for senior prom. It was a different perspective on typical teenage life but then again, in New York City in the 70’s I’m not sure there was a typical teenage existence
At this juncture in my life, I see friends and family members that leave this earth all too soon more and more frequently. Shouldn’t I be doing what I want to do right now? Of course, I should!
Someone recently called me a conundrum and I can’t recall having been called that before, but perhaps she is right. Looking from the outside in, I probably don’t make much sense. However, I make sense to me and that is all that matters. Period.
So cheers to all of you introverted, reclusive brothers and sisters out there. You know who you are. Celebrate and love who you are – you are unique, extraordinary and special people! Don’t ever stop being You.
–with love & gratitude
Toné
#recluse #introvert #tonewellington #confessionsofarecluse #tonewellingtonblog #tonecompitowellington #thisismylife
